Every 1st weekend of every month I get to do the liturgy at church. It is not a big deal. I do the cantor part. So I sing (yes JP sings) this part, the congregation responds, I sing another part, they respond, etc. I also do the readings from time to time and help out with communion as well. This morning I helped with communion. The Pastor does the bread, I do the wine. The people come up and circle the altar and he gives them a little bread from a loaf and I hand them a little plastic cup of wine. And we go around until everyone has each of the elements. Well, we are now in advent and someone had the bright idea of putting the advent candles on the altar. Two of them are lit right now. As I go around, I pass really close to the candles, and the robe I am wearing is my choir robe and it's made out of a poly blend, the absolute best combustible fabric you could possibly wear. You can sort of see where I am going.
Sharkey comes up to the altar and looks me straight in the eyes and tells me, "Be careful of those flames." I get through, just fine, but I still have this picture in mind of how it could have turned out....
UPDATE... I am really shocked by the lack of comments on this post. COME ON PEOPLE?!?! JP almost catching on fire is hilarious!! Do you think you could really offend me or you do not want to say anything because this post has...gasp...Christian tones to it!! =)
5 comments:
Oh oh...I never knew a real cantor before...and my dad used to say it to us in church all the time but now I get to say to a real live (internet live) person...
"What did you do with the money?"
william Nice! But I think you'd be shocked how NOT tone deaf I am!
I am thinking that with some poetic license (it is YOUR blog afterall), you could have set someone else on fire as they were receiving the host...then you could move into some deeply spiritual discussion about God appearing through the burning man...and then you could make it sound like you were the hero that saved someones life...then you could have fake tv interviews where you say things like "I just did what anyone else in that situation would have done." or "I don't view myself as a hero."
Then, the story could continue in a month or two when the press starts looking around your past and shows the incriminating photos of you from college when you set the punch bowl on fire...clearly you were simply trying to "burn off the alchohol", but Bill O'Reilly does not buy it and tells you it is just spin. Then, next summer, you could write another post that discusses your book deals and the upcoming interview with Larry King...then...
Nevermind. You could have milked this story for like 8 posts in the next year, but noooooo, you had to go and ruin it by telling the truth.
I just had a Michael Jackson/Pepsi flashback. Do you wear a sparkly glove to church?
bogart I like the ideas. You're right! I should have milked that one for all it's worth. Dang honest writing!
kranki I could've gone running off the altar yelling, "Tito, Tito, heeeeeelllllppp!!!"
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