WHAT THE F!!!! Part 2

OK, so I recently posted a "what's up with that" post. This wonderful picture came through my Yahoo most viewed pictures tonight. It just begs the "WHAT THE F#$%!!!" statement. I give you the first poop bronzed of Suri Cruise:

Now, this looks like a warped award of some sort, no? (pppppssssssstttt, Suzie, will you and the Hubs take any award requests?????????? [SNORT!!!!]) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Sure this is some "artist's," Daniel Edwards, bronze cast but GEEEZE what's up with this? Seriously??? Baby booties, OK. First haircut, OK. First, bowel movement???? EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!! Damn Cruise, you are one screwed up guy!!! And I really have to think that Katie Holmes, while you are cute and all, how the heck could you EVEN approve of this crap. Pardon the expression! (AHEM...) I don't care what you did before, how much money or fame you have, but I would never hand over my kid's poopie to save for posterity.... AGAIN. WHAT THE F!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Done Beginned

Now truth be told, this is why women hate childbirth...

Adult Swim, click the top left clip

Mall of America

Sharkey and I went to the Mall of America today. Thanks to Suzie we enjoyed lunch for free at one of the Lettuce Entertain you restaurants, "Twin City Grill." We then spent some time in Brookstone going comatose in the massage chairs and we were able to do some shopping. I was able to snag a new pair of Born shoes for 1/2 the price. Sharkey was able to get some new dibs as well at Eddie Bauer. Tomorrow is the fair. I have been working the body up to the challenge. I think I'll take a double dose of the cholesterol medication tonight and make sure I memorize the location of all the portable defibrillators at the fair. But if I go down tomorrow and go to the light, it'll definitely be with a smile and barbecue sauce or cookie chocolate all over my mouth!!!!



LET THE GREASEFEST BEGIN!!!!

Road Trip

Sharkey and I will be heading midwest in two days. We are off to Minnesota for a little R&R. We'll visit family, I'll play some golf, and we'll walk around the Minnesota State Fair!!! Now you may say, what's so freakin' great about a fair JP? Seen one fair, you've seen them all!! Well let me tell you something brother, you ain't never seen anything like this!

The state fair is the fair to end all fairs. Yes you do have the typical fair food, where everything is on a stick and mostly deep fried. It's the midwest after all, you know they like their meat and potatoes! There are a few things that you can really only get there too:

1. Batter fried cheese curds

2. Sweet Martha's Chocolate Chip Cookies

3. Deep fried candy bars

4. Tejas Chorizo Sausage breakfast burritos

5. Famous Dave's Ribs (well you can get them in Phily now too, but it's just not the same as MN)

The above 5 items describe the majority of my day. We wander around, we eat. We walk through the exhibit halls, we eat. We go in and out of the vendor buildings, we eat some more. We listen to the live radio show, and we eat some more. Additionally, the above 5 items force me to load up on the Lescol ahead of time and Sharkey will be carrying our portable defibrillator with us, ....er um...., just in case... As you know or do not know, I love food. I mean I really, really love food. It's amazing that I do not weigh 500lbs. with the amount of food I can consume. And the fair is the prime spot to get whatever food you want. Here's a list of everything they have:


Alligator
Almonds
Amaretto
Andouille Sausage
Antelope (Meat Snack Sticks)
Apples
Arabica Coffee
Artichoke
Asparagus
Bacon
Bagels
Baklava
Banana Split
Bananas
Beans
Beef
Beer
Beer Batter Brat
Belgium Waffles
Berries
Berry
Biscuits
Bison Meat
Black Berries
Blackened Steak
Blizzards
Blooming Onion
Blueberries
Boar
Bohemian Chicken
Bomb Pops
Bratwurst
Bread
Brisket Hash
Broccoli
Brownies
Bubble Gum
Buffalo
Bug Juice
Burritos
Cabbage Roll
Caesar Salad
Cajun Chicken
Cake
California Hamburger
Calzone
Candies
Candy
Candy Apples
Candy Bar (Popcorn)
Cantaloupe
Cappuccino
Caramel Apples
Caramel Corn
Caribbean Chicken
Caribou
Carob
Carolina Smoked Pork
Carrots
Cashews
Catfish
Cauliflower
Celery
Cereal
Chai Tea
Chaurice Sausage
Cheddar Cheese
Cheese
Cheese Cake (Chocolate Covered)
Cheeseburger
Cheesecake
Cherry Coke
Chestnut
Chicago Dog
Chicken
Chicken Popcorn Bowls
Chickitos
Chicory Coffee
Chili
Chilitos
Chipolte (seasoning)
Chips
Chives
Chocolate
Chocolate Potato Chips
Chocolate Sandwiches (grilled)
Chorizo
Chow Mein
Churros
Cider
Cinnamon Rolls
Cinnie Smiths
Clams
Coca Cola
Coconut
Coffee
Coleslaw
Cones
Cookies
Coolers
Corn
Cornbread
Corndogs
Corned Beef
Cornita
Cotton Candy
Crabmeat
Crackers
Cranberries
Crawfish
Cream (Puffs)
Creole (Sausage)
Crepes
Criss Cross (Fries)
Croissants
Crystal Light Beverage
Cucumbers
Curds
Curly Fries
Currants
Custard
Cyclones
Czech (Sausage)
Danish
Decaffeinated Coffee
Dessert
Diet (Soft drinks)
Dippin Dots
Dole (Whip)
Donuts
Double (burgers)
Dough (Fried)
Dove Bars
Dr. Pepper
Draft Root Beer
Dried Fruits
Drinks
Drummies
Drumsticks
Duck
Dumplings
Ears (Elephant)
Eggs
Elk Burgers
Enchiladas
Energy Drinks
English Muffins
Espresso
Fajitas
Falafel
Feta (cheese)
Filbert
Fish
Floats
Flour Tortillas
Flowering Onions
Foccacia
Footlong Hot Dogs
Fortune Cookies
Frappe
Freezes
French bread
French Fries
French Toast
Fritters
Frosting
Fruit
Fudge
Fudge Puppies
Funnel Cake
Garden Salad
Garlic Bread
Garlic Chicken Pizza
Gatorade
Gelato (Italian)
German Sausage
Ghirardelli Chocolate
Ginger Beer
Gizmo Sandwich
Gorilla (Bread)
Goulash
Graham Cracker
Grapefruit
Grapes
Gravy
Green Pepper
Grilled Cheese
Guacamole
Gum
Gumbo
Gyros
Ham
Ham Loaf
Hamburgers
Hand-Dipped Chocolates
Hard Lemonade
Hash
Hashbrowns
Hawaiian (shaved ice)
Hawaiian Punch
Hazelnut (Coffees)
Herb Seasoned
HI-C Drinks
Hickory Smoked Flavor
Hoagies
Honey
Honey (Candy)
Honey (Ice Cream)
Honeydew
Hot Dogs
Hot-Dish on-a-stick
Humus
Hush Puppies
Ice Coffee
Ice Cream
Ice Tea
Irish Cream
Italian Foods
Jackelope Meat Snacks
Jalapeno Poppers
Jamaican Foods
Jambalaya
Jams
Jasmine
Jellies
Jerk (Chicken)
Jerky
Juice
Kabobs
Kahlua
Kangaroo
Kettle (Corn)
Key Lime Pie Bar
Kiwi
Knockwurst
Koney
Kool-Aid
Kraut
Krispies (Bars)
Kristian (Root Beer)
Krumcake
Lamb
Lasagna
Latte
Lefse
Lemonade
Lettuce
Licorice
Limeade
Lingonberries
Links (Sausage)
Lobster
London Broil
Lubia Rice
M&M's Candy Topping
Macadamia Nuts
Macaroni
Malts
Mango
Maple
Marinara
Marinated (Chicken)
Marshmallow
Meatball
Meatloaf
Mediterranean Foods
Mello-Yellow
Mexican
Milk (Got!)
Mineral (Water)
Miniature (Donuts)
Minnekabobs
Mixed Nuts
Mocha
Mostaccioli
Mozzarella
Muffins
Mushrooms
Nachos
Neapolitan Ice Cream
Nestea
Noodles
Nuggets (Chicken)
Nuggets (Jalapeno)
Nuggets (Turkey)
Nut rolls
Nut Rolls (Chocolate Covered)
Nutella
Nuts
Oatmeal
Olives
Omelets
Onions
Orange
Orange Juice
Orangeade
Orangina
Oreo Cookies
Oriental
Ostrich
Oysters
Palletized (Ice cream)
Pancakes
Panzerotti
Pappa Pup
Parmesan Cheese
Passion Fruit Coolers
Pasta
Pastrami
Pastries
Peaches
Peanuts
Pecans
Pepitas
Pepperocini Peppers
Pepperoni
Peppers
Pepsi
Peruvian Coffee
Pheasant
Philly Cheese Steak
Pickles
Pie
Pina Colada
Pineapple
Pink Lemonade
Pistolette
Pitas
Pixxa Burger
Pizza
Polish Sausage
Political Pops
Poncho Dog
Poor Boy (Sandwiches)
Pop
Popcorn
Poppers
Poppyseed (Bagels, Muffins)
Pops
Pork
Pork chops
Porketta
Portabella
Pot Stickers
Potato
Pretzels
Prime Rib
Pronto Pups
Pulled (BBQ Pork)
Pumpernickel (Bagels)
Punch
Quesadillas
Rachel
Rainbow Ice Cream Cone
Raisins
Ranch (Dressing)
Raspberry
Ravioli
Refried Beans
Regale
Reuben
Ribbon Fries
Riblet
Ribs
Rice
Rice Krispie Bars
Rigatoni
Rings (Onions and Pepper)
Roast Beef Sandwiches
Rolls
Root Beer
Ropes (Licorice)
Rotisserie Chicken
Royal Crown Cola
Salad
Salami
Salmon
Salsa
Salted Nut Rolls
Sandwich
Sasparilla
Sauces
Sauerkraut
Sausage
Scallops
Scones
Scotch Eggs
Scrambled (Eggs)
Seville Sandwiches
Shakes
Shaved Ice
Shells (Pasta)
Sherbert
Shishkabob
Shortcake
Shrimp
Sirloin
Sloppy Joes
Slush Drinks
Smoothies
S'mores
Snickers
Snow Cones
Soft Drinks
Sorbet
Soup
Sour Candy
Sour Cream
Soynuts
Spaghetti
Spaghetti and Meatballs on-a-stick
Spanakopita
Spanish Rice
Spinach (Pizza)
Spiral Chips
Sprite
Sprouts
Spudsters
Spumoni
Steak
Strawberries
Stromboli
Stuffed Peppers
Submarine Sandwiches
Suckers
Sundaes
Sunflower Seeds (chocolate covered)
Sunkist Orange Soda
Super Dogs (triple corndog)
Supercalifragilistic Sundae
Surge
Swedish Meatballs
Swedish Sausage
Szechwan
Tabouli Salad
Taco
Taffy
Taffy Pop
Tamales
T-Bone Steak
Tea
Tenderloin
Tenders (Chicken)
Teriyaki Chicken
Toast
Toffee
Tomato
Tortillas
Tostadas
Tropical Fruit Shaved Ice
Turkey
Turtles
Tuscan Sausage
Twinkies
Twist Ice Cream Cones
Vanilla Ice Cream
Vegetable Kabobs
Vegetables
Veggie Pie
Venison
Vietnamese Egg Rolls
Waffles
Walleye
Walnuts
Water
Watermelon
Weisswurst Sausage
Whipped Cream
Whipped Honey
Wilbur Beans
Wild Game Sticks
Wild Rice Corn Dog
Wild Rice Soup
Wine
Wings
Wonton
Worms (Gummi)
Wraps
Yak (Wild Game sticks)
Yogurt
Zeppoles (Italian pastry)
Zucchini

But the fair isn't just food and it's not a small, quaint fair that you may picture when you think of fairs. It's pretty cool! They have everything Minnesota there. The Twins have a booth, the different local TV, radio and newspapers setup there. The setup is pretty interesting. There's major corporate sponsorship like 3M, Coca Cola, and Toyota. And you cannot believe how many people go. I never really "got it" until I went to my first one, then after that when August approaches every year I ask Sharkey, "So when are we going to the MN State Fair?"

Turk N' Surf

Used the good old, Masterbuilt Turk N' Surf again tonight. Sharkey and I threw a summer turkey fry party. I found a good Food 911 recipe for Southern Friend Turkey on the FoodTV.com site. Thank you Tyler Florence.



We had 11 people over tonight and cooked a 12lb. turkey. It was pretty good. It cooked in about 50 minutes. It was pretty good. Very moist with a slight kick. It was way better than the one we cooked last Thanksgiving. That brine stuff I think is only good for oven baking. I think the flash frying definitely needs to be injected. It was fun playing heroin addict and shooting up the bird last night!! Come on man, I need my fix....give me drugs...give me drugs.... OK Tom Turkey, no problem, the first one is free, but the next one will cost you a little money!!!! =)

We had drinks and pie for dessert. YUM!!! PIE!!!! I love pie. Sharkey made a pumpkin pie and we also had a French Silk Pie. It was fun and Maggie couldn't believe all the people that came just to see her tonight. What a little princess she is!!

Why?

Was there ever something that you just heard or just saw briefly that made you think, man that's a really bad idea or that really is going to suck. Now this is exactly how I felt when I saw the commercial for "Snakes on a Plane." Samuel L. Jackson, what the heck were you thinking when you accepted this script??????!!!!

*******ADDENDUM... ADDITION!!!!!!*******

When I went to link for something off of FoodTV (and I do not know why in the hell they would allow this advertising on their site) I came across this add:



Now I'm as open minded as the next guy, but does this picture just not make you say, "What the fu@@ is that about???" So of course I had to go to the link and see what's up with this advertisement. They claim to have the largest selection of Quality Neti products. Dude, they have to have the ONLY selection of freakin' Neti products. What the heck?? Quality??! How the crap do you measure the quality of something that shoots water up your nose??? Do you see if it doesn't drown you or make water and snot come out of your mouth? I mean come on!!!!!! Again, WHY??????????

MacBook Day 3

OK, I won't keep reporting on my new experiences with my MacBook, but I decided to tell you something I have noticed. Everything looks soooooo DIFFERENT on the MacBook. What do I mean? Pictures, webpages, colors. They are all different. Sharkey says that this is due to the different gamma the MacBook uses. I'm not even sure I know what she's talking about, but it doesn't matter. This piece of hardware has made personal computing fun again. Minimalism rules!!!!



I mentioned this a bit last night, but let me elaborate a bit more. Contemplating a Mac, but don't think you can do without WinXP? Well if you want both, you can have it with Parallels software. You need a WinXP install CD and license, because Parallels just sets up a virtual machine in the Mac OS. The install takes about an hour, because you are essentially installing the WinXP OS. But it is very slick. Check it out, you can open a window with a fully functioning WinXP operating system running. You can share files between the operating systems and all the wonderful Windows applications you used before can be carried over to the Mac. This also is a big improvement over the dual booting Bootcamp solution that Apple has provided with their OS. So all the "normal" things you are used to doing with Windows is not banished and forgotten.



The existence of this software really tipped the scales in my decision to go Apple instead of PC.

Pulled the Trigger.... MACBOOK

So if you are a reader of JP Jargon, you know that my tablet PC has been throwing hard drive errors and locking up. Both issues are not good, and they are both signs the machine is starting the trek towards "The Light...." So I contemplated another tablet, a normal laptop, or......(gasp!) a MacBook...... So if you have not guessed from the title, the winner was the MacBook.

So I know what you are thinking. Why? JP you're a Microsoft guy, what's up with this decision? Well folks it comes down to this. I'm tired of PC's. I want a change. Maybe this is a midlife techie crisis. (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, I know NERD!!!!!!!!! ) When I took a look at the specs on everything, MacBook came out on top. And I really can get on board with Apple's Minimalistic philosophy. Things that work the first time around w/o having to search for a service pack, driver, or DLL file? No way? What's an MCSE like me going to do now? The answer is simple, I'm going to actually get into the applications instead of constantly having to figure out the conflicts. Also with Parallels, I can have my Mac and WinXP too!!

So after talking to Sharkey, she gave me the green light. It was also probably due to the home PC also throwing blue screens like Tic Tacs all of a sudden. So I went to Delaware yesterday, which as all East Coasters know is the "Home of Tax Free Shopping." I traveled to the Apple store armed with my student ID (thank you educational discount!) and credit card.

So here's how much Apple technology 2G's will buy you now a days:



So my MacBook has a Intel Duo 2.0GHz processor, 1GB RAM memory, Superdrive (CD/DVD+/-RW), 80GB Harddisk storage, 13.3 inch widescreen display, and built in iSight camera. And right now, there's an "educational offer" where you can get a 30GB iPod for $90. College students need their tunes I guess. Gee, do you think that JP can pass that up???? Deals!! I'm all over deals and I'm a SUCKER for marketing. Apple is running a printer offer now where you get $100 back. The printer you see in the above picture is an HP scanner/printer. The printer was $99.95, so it was essentially free. I also picked up Mac Office which seamlessly allows you to use Microsoft Word, Excel and Powerpoint from any PC. I got the 3 year extended warranty. I'm not usually one to get that crap but I felt it was a good deal and it is my first trip into MacWorld so I wanted it to be a 3 year worry free one.

Apple corners the market on well thought out design and packaging is no exclusion. Packing is something the PC world really cares nothing about. A few nice cardboard folds and multiple paper cuts is what you get with PC's. Not so with Mac's. When you open the box, the packing material gives you the initial welcome to the world of Mac:



The MacBook is packed similarly to the iPod. No space is wasted and everything is easily accessible once you remove the primary layer of packing. Also, when you remove the first layer of packing, the heavens open, the sun shines brightly on the MacBook, and you can hear the angelic voices singing! Well at least that's what I heard when I took that first layer off:



At first glance, you think to yourself, "Where's the setup poster?" "Where's all the manuals and quick start guides?" "Where are the hidden compartments of the packing materials, double taped, that you need to disassemble in order to find the CD's and guides you need?" Well, in short, there are none. Apple seems to think that the user shouldn't be inundated with all that secondary crap the moment they open the box. I for one really like this idea. So once you lift the MacBook out of the box you see the documentation:



It's a little very unintimidating box with "Designed by Apple in California" on the box. Again, Apple uses a minimalistic design in everything they do. Users are not intimidated or disenchanted by 500 page books of documentation in 5 different languages. I LOVE THIS!!!



The little box unfolds. Contained within are the manuals, only in ENGLISH, the system CD's and some product coupons and warranty. Here's Sharkey doing the "Vanna" thing and displaying the new techie digs:



Once opened the MacBook is very user friendly. Notice anything? No laptop latch. The MacBook uses a magnetic closure. At the top of the screen is the iSight camera. It's a nifty little built in gadget that you can use for self portrait or web cam types of things.



It took about 15 minutes to configure. The MacBook picked up the home wireless network without a problem and in no time surfing was resumed.



So now JP has turned the corner. I drank the MacWorld Kool-Aid. It will take some getting used to a new OS, but so far the transition has been very pleasant so far. Stay tuned....

The Sticks

I had a request to explain my "drawlrings" so I thought I'd honor Suzie's request and explain them or rather why I do them. So here goes...

The stick figures started about 17 years ago. My brother was just married and I used to spend a lot of time over his house because I used to go to school near where he lived in NJ. Well, he and his new wife had a guestbook that they used to track who visited them. So every time I went there, I would sign the book. First I did it for a joke because it was sort of annoying to me to sign in whenever I went to visit. Then I decided to start drawing stick figures in it. At first I did the smiley faces, then I switched to themes, and then finally it got to the point where I was recording things that happened every time I visited them. The stick figures became more and more "alive" and personalized. They turned into a conversational piece at my brother's house, so I just kept doing it.

I have a specific figure I do for me.


Sharkey has her own specific stick figure.


And the story doesn't end there.

When Sharkey and I were married, I decided to start adding my "Sticks" to her Grandma and Grandpa's cards we'd give them. So with each card, they received a snippet of what Sharkey and I were up to. Now, Grandma B and Grandpa Bud expect the "Sticks" in their cards. In fact, they saved every single one I've ever sent them. And God forbid if I ever forget to do that. When we send them cards, Sharkey always reminds me to draw the "Sticks" for them. Sharkey's cousin took all of them and scrap booked them for B & Bud, so my "drawlrings" have been saved for all posterity.

The funny thing is, I see this booth in the KOP mall for figures similar to mine, and I turned and said to Sharkey, "Those bastards ripped me off!!!" OK, I know stick figures aren't trademarked, but still, I totally thought of it first!! Everybody knows it...

Karma

Do you believe in Karma? Good Karma? Bad Karma? Karma, Karma, Karma chameleon??? Sorry, bad 80's reference there. Well whatever you call it, I think of it as everything being right with the universe. As everyone knows good is balanced by bad, hot by cold, evil by good, salty by sweet, Coke by Pepsi, McDonald's by Wendy's etc. You see it all around you and may not even know it or realize it.

For instance I thought a couple of weeks ago that maybe it was a good idea to go for management. So I threw my hat in, and went through the interview process. Yep, I decided to go for it and change my life. But you know what? A few things happened along the way in the past two weeks to convince me that it really is not for me. At least not where I am in my life right now. So come Monday morning, I'm going to e-mail the hiring manager and take my application out of the mix. I do not want it. I realized that I get my "joy" and "fufillment" from being hands on and troubleshooting and "playing" with new technology. Truth be told I LOVE it, and I think at times it's the coolest thing. And I'm damn good at what I do. I also realized that I don't have to have the title of "Leader" to lead by example. Now that does not mean I'll never go for Management, just not right now. And since I made that decision, I've been the happiest I've been for a really long time. It seems that the balance has come back in my life.

Good Karma!!



Now bad Karma can happen too. Case in point... The Jerkstores or Jackholes from my golf league made it to the playoffs again this year. So did my partner and I, but we didn't have to play them in the first round. Well I found out yesterday that they were eliminated by a the lowest ranked team in the playoffs. After the crap they pulled on us last year with us and the resulting terrible year they had this year, their bad Karma came around to bite them in their asses!!! Sorry boys, game over for you!! The funniest part is I found out they divorced each other and won't be playing together anymore!!! JACKHOLES!!!! =)

So remember, keep your good Karma and don't be a Jackhole!!!