So my new employer requires, along with several other things, that I pass a drug test to work for them. So today I took some time to go to the medical lab to get that done. So I'm waiting in the lab, and man there were some interesting characters there. And the lab people seemed to be totally "enjoying" being there as well. Although I have to admit, I think if I were dealing with other people's bodily fluids day in and day out, I'd probably have that indifferent attitude as well.
So my name is called. I go up, and the tech tells me to pick up this kit, open it, take the contents out, sign here, initial there and then hands me this cup. Actually it wasn't a cup. It was the size of a small farm trough. And it had this little black sticker about 1/3 the way up on it. She told me I had to fill it above the black sticker. So off to the restroom I go. So I'm there in the bathroom trying to get things going and nothing. I'm like, "come on JP you have to have something." Nothing... OK the anxiety starts to go up. What if I cannot fill it to the black line? What will they think of me? Will my name be placed on the wall of shame with the rest of the individuals who couldn't get it to the black sticker? Will I have to do it all over again? Will my new employer find out I failed to get to the black line? How can we hire a guy who couldn't make it to the black sticker? How am I going to explain this to Sharkey? I just want to get to the black sticker is that soooo hard!!! Come on!! It's the dumbest thing!! Come on JP, come on you can do it!! Of course all of these crazy thoughts shot through my head in the course of about 3 seconds time. I blame my mother for passing her crazy ass anxiety genes to me. So I took a deep breath, then just relaxed, everything starting flowing. I got out of there, handed the cup to the tech while looking calmly around and said in my cool breeze voice, "Hey, no problem, thanks!!" WINK! WINK!
4 comments:
You are a weirdo. I mean this in the nicest possible way. And keep in mind, this "weirdo" label is coming from a dweeb ;-)
My word verification is YKUGO
Which reminded me of "You could go"
I knew y ku go!!
soozieq Yes I know I am a weirdo. I take great pride in it! YKUGO is like a bad Asian accent... You go now... You scare my wife... You eat mor vegetable...
You are not alone. I'm horrible at pee-in-the-cup tests, and also get very anxious about it. One time I didn't fill it to the line, and was sitting there waiting to pee a little more. I eventually decided that was all I was going to do, and handed off my cup. In the meantime, while I was waiting, the temperature of the urine dropped too low. Apparently, it has to be close to body temp or they think you brought in a container of someone else's pee because you're hiding something in yours. So I had to guzzle some water, get back in line, and pee again.
Ooookay, too much information there.
lola Too funny! Now see that could've totally happened to me!! I think that was one of my anxiety ridden flashes I had at the time too!
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